Skip navigation

Category Archives: Saturday shorts

Today: An essay about the modern relevance of H.P. Lovecraft, written by someone who is probably much better informed than I am!

colour

The Cultist

The Cultist is afraid of horror movies.  I wish it were not so, but it is.  Short horror films on Youtube have proven sliiightly more palatable, mainly because I can:

  1. Turn the sound way down
  2. Turn the sound off
  3. Minimize the browser window
  4. Skip ahead
  5. Pause the video and peer at the little frames at the bottom of the progress bar to suss out any jump scares (not always successfully)
  6. Turn off the sound, minimize the window, watch the movie, and then go back and watch it again with the sound on
  7. Cover my eyes and have someone narrate the action for me without fear of annoying other moviegoers

Note that I am not proud of this.

Anyway!  Here’s a delightful little horror/sci-fi movie that I think you’ll find is satisfyingly Lovecraftian.  (I’m getting somewhat jaded with the use of that phrase, especially around Halloween.  Someone please play Downwell for me to verify whether or not it is truly Lovecraftian, because the description didn’t sound like it beyond “Occasionally there are tentacles”.)

/rant

Not to hate on tentacles or anything.

The Cultist

Despite being a complete horror nerd, I do have some distinctly non-menacing interests, one of them being traditional music and dances.  And, as such, I have a very, very soft spot for sea shanties, which (Google has just told me) you have doubtlessly heard if you’ve played Assassin’s Creed 4.

So, the other day I happened across this variant of Drunken Sailor, which (as you might imagine) I’ve listened to 30 or 40 times now.

And then I found the source: The Curious Sea Shanties of Innsmouth, a collection of the oddly and OH MY GOD.  Click the previews–I’m most partial to Undying Ladies, which those in the know will recognize as a variant of Spanish Ladies.

Only $15…will I have the patience to request it for Christmas, or will I break down and buy it?  Is there any way I can get the H.P. Lovecraft Historical Society to hire me?  Only time will tell.

The Cultist

There are a number of acceptable responses to recognizing the ultimate indifference of the cosmos and the absolute, soul-crushing insignificance of humanity.  Despair, insanity, denial…  Until today, I didn’t realize that hunger might be involved

p1050257In sunken R’yleh dead Cthulhu lies toasting

But apparently the good lads and ladies of Kitchenoverlord had an entire WEEK dedicated to Lovecraftian food.

cthulhuSalted Mountain Dew tentacle cupcakes!  I’d take issue with the implications that all Lovecraft cultists love Mountain Dew and salty snacks, but…goddamn it, those look good.

Will I make these?  You better believe it.  I have no intentions of turning this into a baking blog, but look for occasional (potentially hilarious) pictures of my finished products.

The Cultist

So, if you love a Miyazaki fan who’s also a Lovecraft fan but you don’t know what to get them for their birthday, there’s always this:

Cthulhu totoro

Yes, that is a Cthulhu-Totoro plush music box, available here on Etsy.

It plays “Killing me softly with his song”, because what else would it play?

The Cultist

Thanks to Clickhole and an anonymous acolyte for this link, and for reminding us all that even those of us whose genitals refute earthly geometry and would make a Hound of Tindaloos flee in terror are still sexual beings.

(Personally, I had always just assumed that your average adult penis typically rivaled the Lament Configuration in terms of sheer complexity and brain-bending horror…is that not the case?)

Hellraiserbox

I have such sights to show you…in my pants.

-The Cultist

I have to admit: While I’m a big fan of graphic novels, my repertoire is very sorely limited.  (I’m working on it, I really am!)  So I had never heard of Providence by Alan Moore and Jacen Burrows.  But I found this interview extremely interesting, and I’ll definitely be checking out this comic in the future.

Providence04-pantheon-600x928

I also learned that Alan Moore has plushy Cthulhu Slippers, which is a delightful mental image.

The Cultist

I have to admit, this is one of Lovecraft’s original works that I read and wasn’t super taken with…but I think this take on it is absolutely stellar.

And who’s above enjoying a little terrifying claymation, really?

The Cultist

I’m not a game person.

the rapture is coming

I never was allowed to play video or computer games as a kid, so I don’t really have the hand-eye coordination or basic know-how to do so as an adult.  And for the most part, I’m fine with that.

rapture3

But sometimes a game comes along that I’m just desperate to play, and when that happens, I make one of my more skilled friends play it for me while I watch over their shoulder.

TRIHAYWBFRFYH-ss-1

I have very patient and wonderful friends.

The Rapture is Here And You Will Be Forcibly Removed From Your Home is one such game.  Thankfully for them, it’s only 20 minutes long.

Buzzfeed (yes, I did find this on Buzzfeed, and no, I am not ashamed of this fact) wrote up a pretty good piece on it.  It’s visually striking but simple.  There’s no real goals, nothing to do.  It’s an exploratory game, and the premise is simple.  The world is ending in 20 minutes.  You have 20 minutes in which to walk around, and do whatever it is one might want to do in the last 20 minutes of the world.

For my money, the stark beauty, the growing oppressiveness, and the feeling of hopelessness encapsulate the best aspects of Lovecraftian horror.  I’d recommend it to anyone who loves the existential side of weird fiction.  If you’re all about the tentacled monstrosities and the protoplasmic jello…well, there’s none of that here.  But it’s only a 20-minute commitment, so I feel comfortable recommending it anyway.

The Cultist

P.S. Does anyone have any recommendations for weird horror games?  I’d love to check them out, and by check them out, I mean holler directions, commentary, and expletives over my husband’s shoulder as he makes his way through them.

Foreshadowing a bit of a cinematic kick next week, for this Saturday I’m sharing my favorite film adaptation of Lovecraft of all time.

shot_nyarlathotep_movie_director_christian_matzke_2001This was my computer wallpaper for the LONGEST time.

If anyone else has any favorite short film adaptations, send ’em my way!

The Cultist